My mind is exploding with so many things and all I want is for it to stop. I want something like a light switch, something to turn my brain off. I'm so tired. I go to sleep late every night. I am afraid to sleep. Actually, I am afraid to dream. I hate dreaming. I hate those dreams where things happen that are so great and so lovely and it feels so real and you're so happy. I hate them because they are the worst thing in the world to wake from. There are certain dreams I've had that have completely ruined my life. Nothing good comes out of dreaming because dreams always end.
these days are hard.
Sometimes I'm sitting with my family, or sitting alone, and it just hits me out of nowhere, the realization of how much I miss your presence in my life, how much I miss our talks, your teasing, everything. But that follows with what happened, how you preferred a person you started talking few months ago over me, me whom you called your brother and you had known for few years now. I was the person who gave preference to you over everyone, because I called you my family. You once told me not to expect too much from you but at least you could have known your priorities. Or maybe you had always known, it was just me who didn't know them. Stupid me.