I get attached to people too easily, and I expect too much, its all my fault. I tend to push people away from me when they make even a slight mistake; it doesn't matter that I may be doing this because of how I got treated by other people I met on the way, its still my fault. I feel pain when I try to push someone away from me, but it doesn't matter, I deserve it. I open up to anyone showing some concern whether real or not, telling them how I feel, and then I mind it when I'm called an attention-seeker; I deserve it. People think I'm shy because I don't talk or participate much in conversations. Truth is, I don't really give a damn what they're talking about; again, my fault. I'm too sensitive and lately too insecure, I get hurt even on the slightest of things, things other people consider as a joke, yet here I am, weak and coward; my fault. People think high of me on seeing my polite behavior, only to find out later that I'm no more different than other mean and selfish people out there; my fault. They tend to look at WHAT you did but not WHY you did it.
these days are hard.
Sometimes I'm sitting with my family, or sitting alone, and it just hits me out of nowhere, the realization of how much I miss your presence in my life, how much I miss our talks, your teasing, everything. But that follows with what happened, how you preferred a person you started talking few months ago over me, me whom you called your brother and you had known for few years now. I was the person who gave preference to you over everyone, because I called you my family. You once told me not to expect too much from you but at least you could have known your priorities. Or maybe you had always known, it was just me who didn't know them. Stupid me.