Saad

 I want what I can’t have and don’t want what I can have. 

I'm exhausted. Life is exhausting. Caring for people is exhausting. And thinking you might lose someone you deeply care about?  Well, that's the most exhausting thing of all.

It always rains the hardest on people who deserve the sun.

Sometimes, being hurt too many times doesn't make you stronger. It destroys who you were, who you wanted to be, and makes you who you are today.

I wonder if anyone is ever going to understand?

a shot from my home's top..

I hate going to sleep feeling like *THIS* :'(

I don't want to be alone tonight.

"When I'm alone I feel content to get stuck in my own little world and I like to write, or play piano, or read. But when I'm with other people I am more acutely aware of how disconnected I am from others. It's a painful feeling watching other people bond closer to each other while you are watching from the outside."

Memories are a way of holding on to things you love, the things you are, and the things you never want to lose.

Then you gonna stand there looking down Yeah, I thought we were in it together Guess I was just mistaken that I'd be better alone Funny how you change, funny how you lie .. Damn its better that you leave it alone

I couldn't delete my facebook profile. My sis didn't let me; warning me of very serious consequences if I ever did, so, I just couldn't when I had already made up my mind to do it. I deactivated it though. But my change of mind proved disastrous for most of the people in my facebook friend's list. If you are reading this post and you were in my facebook, you may very well be blocked already. But no you can't find out yet if you are blocked or not because its deactivated. Before deactivating, I had 81 friends in my facebook. And I trimmed it to 13. Brutal, isn't it? Out of those 13, 6 people are the ones who commented on my last status (the one saying goodbye to everyone), posted on my wall or inboxed me. And 7 people, well they are undeleteable too, or let's call them unblockable. The rest of the people who I blocked don't really care if I am in their facebook or not, neither do I. I don't know when I will be back there, maybe in some near future, ...

Maybe the real reason I don't want to sleep is that I don't want to wake up anymore. You wake up to something, someone, you know like, you have a reason to wake up. But for me, I can't find a solid reason for waking up. Damn I can't even find a reason for my existence..!!

I believe the saddest thing in life, is caring so much for someone and then one day you look into their eyes and listen to them talk and realize that they are gone. All you see in front of you is a stranger with just a known name.

You're gunna walk down that isle without mistake, yeahh... Cuz I didn't buy a ring, but you got engaged, yeahh.. Ohh.. cuz I was stupid to let you walk away, yeahh.. Ohh... and now it hurts because I never thought that I'll see the day when.. You'll be gone and I'm stuck with what's left of a heart And it kills me inside, cuz you are, are, are The sweetest love, I've ever know, I've ever known The sweetest love, I've ever know, I've ever known So why won't you give me another chance to earn you... Ooh.. and I understand that I don't deserve you. Ooh.. and why can't you see, baby, you complete me Ooh .. and I'm broken and joking and along the breathing... Cuz since you've been gone... And I dunno why I'm stuck with what's left of a heart And it kills me inside cuz you are... The sweetest love, I've ever known, I've ever known The sweetest love, I've ever known, I've ever known The sweetest love, I...

*That moment when you are going to do something that you know will hurt you too much, but you have no other option.

All the words unspoken, promises broken I cried for so long Wasted too much time, should've seen the signs Now I know just what went wrong

"Decisions are the hardest to make especially when it's a choice between where you should be and where you want to be."

Don't ever use someone's past against them. You're just reminding them of the mistakes they made back then. If you watch their facial expression carefully, then you'll see the hurt in their eyes as they reminisce everything that happened. Never use emotion as a weapon, it strikes deeper than you can imagine.

Its not an easy decision. I LOVE my facebook profile. I wish I could explain to everyone that why I am taking this step. I spent so much time in there, spilling out my thoughts and feelings in the status updates and comments. People came, people left, & new people came. Like many others, facebook is the starting point of many new experiences for me, new feelings, new emotions. Right now, its like half part of me wants to delete it, and other half doesn't want that. Though the later half doesn't want to use it either, just keep it. But its painful. Its painful for you when the realization of something keeps hitting you over and over again, realization that things will never be same again. My friends (not the 'facebook' friends) don't want me to delete it. One of them asked me to stay and face whatever's bothering me instead of running away and cutting away from everyone. But I've had enough. How can I face something when I can't do anything about i...