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No one knew what I was going through. I couldn't tell anyone about it. I had bragged so much about our relationship to my friends that I was embarrased to tell them now what happened. I couldn't tell them that the person I held closest to my heart was gone, without a word. For the first few days I waited for any message from you; days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. I lost count of how many times I opened my email box in hopes of any message from you. But it never came. I didn't dare to send any message. The fault was mine too. I overstepped my boundaries. I was ready to break you but in the very last second I changed my mind. And I left. I couldn't stay, seeing you walking on the same road again which had just left you hurt few months ago. The most hurting part was that you didn't bother to stop me. My friends kept asking me what happened, why I'm pushing them away, why this why that. But I had no answer for them. No one could understand anyway...
Sometimes you mentally prepare yourself for things. You tell yourself to not feel hurt, to not overthink, to not get sad, to be okay with it, to take it all in. But then when it happens, all your preparation turns to shit. You feel your heart sink, your stomach crushed and your mind jammed. Turns out there are things you can't help but feel deep and hurt deep.
This..
What makes a brother-sister relationship special is the way each one remember the other when they are apart. They miss the talks, the laughs in the time they spent together. Life changes, memories don't.
these days are hard.
Sometimes I'm sitting with my family, or sitting alone, and it just hits me out of nowhere, the realization of how much I miss your presence in my life, how much I miss our talks, your teasing, everything. But that follows with what happened, how you preferred a person you started talking few months ago over me, me whom you called your brother and you had known for few years now. I was the person who gave preference to you over everyone, because I called you my family. You once told me not to expect too much from you but at least you could have known your priorities. Or maybe you had always known, it was just me who didn't know them. Stupid me.