It hurts when you call someone you thought who cares for you, and instead you hear a stranger voice coming from the other end. And with your cell phone in your hands, you are left wondering, 'what did I do?'.. Or maybe you really did something and you simply have no idea about it. The most hurting part is when you ask yourself, 'Have I made a same mistake again? Did l let myself get attached to someone again, only to be pushed back? Or maybe it was I who pushed them away?'.. Then you start cursing yourself. All the memories of the past come back rushing in and you have no idea how to get out of their hold. Damn it, You hate yourself! And in the end you decide not to get attached to someone no matter what. Never again.
these days are hard.
Sometimes I'm sitting with my family, or sitting alone, and it just hits me out of nowhere, the realization of how much I miss your presence in my life, how much I miss our talks, your teasing, everything. But that follows with what happened, how you preferred a person you started talking few months ago over me, me whom you called your brother and you had known for few years now. I was the person who gave preference to you over everyone, because I called you my family. You once told me not to expect too much from you but at least you could have known your priorities. Or maybe you had always known, it was just me who didn't know them. Stupid me.