They say something has changed. They say I've changed. They tell me somewhere I turned cold, that I used to be so affectionate. They tell me I used to be cheerful but now my eyes and tone of my voice lost its light and admits fear. Unsure whether it's because of the painful memory but I go on by emptying my heart. Lucid hearts are defective products of this world. That's why I badly want to taint mine. Atrocious. Love is atrocious. Humans are atrocious! Love only pains as you learn about it. More you know, worse you become. The words I wouldn't normally get riled up about: "You don't seem yourself". I question, "What is me?", but of course I know only too well. I can't bear to look at myself. Whether I've been embraced or have closed my eyes, I just can't sleep at ease. I lie customarily and harass in the name of 'Love'. Only thing that's worse than you is, I, who couldn't forget you and ended up being tainted. I, who continues to act cold towards the other people.
these days are hard.
Sometimes I'm sitting with my family, or sitting alone, and it just hits me out of nowhere, the realization of how much I miss your presence in my life, how much I miss our talks, your teasing, everything. But that follows with what happened, how you preferred a person you started talking few months ago over me, me whom you called your brother and you had known for few years now. I was the person who gave preference to you over everyone, because I called you my family. You once told me not to expect too much from you but at least you could have known your priorities. Or maybe you had always known, it was just me who didn't know them. Stupid me.